Life is just unfair. Unexpected, shocking & the horror tends to hunt you.

Sometimes I felt like the world is against me & that I'm God's personal joke. But then, why does bad things happen to me &love blaming it on God. That's just not fair.

I hate the fact that I'm a burden to some people. That after I went into their lives, I've been their worse nightmare. You may not say it but I know it. This time, I know I'm not being paranoid. I risk buckets of tears each time I think about it.

I want scholarships but, I cannot just say it but put my very best effort in it. Why do I want scholarships that badly?

I've not done well when I was in Form 1-3 & I regret it very much. My parents put me in Lodge, said to be one of the best school in Malaysia. 3 years fees was wasted on me. It's not like watering the plants, where plants absorb it and make full use of the water & kept on standing. I'm not like that. While my parents are working hard to provide me with the best education, the best shelter, I have done NOTHING to them. Not even the simplest thing I could do, to excel in my studies.

Everytime when it was time for me let my mum sign my report card, I dare not look at her into her eyes & said "Mum, I did it. I did what you wanted me to do". I have never seen her so eager to look at my results @ how I did this term. But, I wished I had.

Maybe I just don't understand them well enough & I think I never will.