Walking blindly towards the future.

Monday, March 31, 2008
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I feel so nervous & excited at the same time! I finally decided to take accounting as my extra SPM subject. My tuition starts tomorrow.

T____T

Busy like a bee lor. Sien.

I promise myself to do my best & not disappoint my mum :D Got extra A to get, who don't want right? (:

*sniffles*

10:11 PM

Sunday, March 30, 2008
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It's 7.22am now. I woke up suffering from a sore-throat. Went to the toilet & wanted to get back to sleep but I just can't. The pain is just irresistable.

7:21 AM

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As I stood alone, staring at the empty sky.. watching the clouds moving, watching the birds flying freely in the air...

Sometimes, I really don't understand the life of growing up. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT emo-ing =.=`

It's just that, I tend to get carried away & I suppose this is the only place where I could let it all out. I just realize how short life is & how I've been treating my life for granted. Never doing things that I should be doing, never taking the initiative to do things which would just change my life. Sometimes, I know that I can't expect anyone to understand me. I can't expect someone to look into my eyes and tell me, "I know. I know. I understand" & actually mean it. Since young, I understood the meaning of betrayal & the meaning of broken promises.

Looking back into my past, I really hated them. Sometimes, I just wished I could just "delete" them from my life & never to remember those awful memories. But as the wind blows, all those memories tend to come back to me & hunt me. As if asking me not to forget it but to have a good laugh at it & grow up.

At this moment, I felt like my life is filled with dramas & I know it's not only mine. I bet you, yes YOU have many "dramas" in your life before.

As I'm typing this, my emotions are totally mixed up, like always.

I know I had tonnes of awful memories before but they are really memorable ones. Those that I could not forget & shall never try to. I guess as we grow up someday, everything would be different. Looking at the same thing in different angles.

& I guess... growing up is just apart of life & every single person living today will have to face it.

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& I've changed my blogskin once again. Loving it as it's a really simple & plain skin. No chatbox at the moment.

Blogging as if no one's reading`

12:54 AM

Friday, March 28, 2008
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The sudden obsession to blog.

I love the habit of watching a wonderful series & having the "semangat" to blog.

I'm super duper tired right now but I still felt like blogging.

* coughs * I know my blog post are like just short & random but .. my life is so boring! I'm not a school photographer so I can't take pictures. Unfair! Nevermind. Simple is still the best =p

School tomorrow til 12.30pm instead of the usual 3.50pm! :D

Everyday life is just ..

a) Wake up, fall asleep, wake upppp~
b) Go to schoooooool
c) Come back
d) Go online
e) Blah
f) Tuitionn

10:39 PM

Thursday, March 27, 2008
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Wo0! This Saturday got school again till 12.30pm. But then, Monday's hols! Yays! More time to study study!

Exam coming soon! ;P Study hard, peeeps! ^.^

6:43 PM

Tuesday, March 25, 2008
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Nyahaha. I'm gonna laugh at Stella! :D She looked uber cute today with her "prefect coat"! Felt like pinching her cheeks :D`!

I want a new speaker >.<` but of course, i'm not getting one yet. Cause the Acer speaker given by my bro still can be use =)

I suddenly feel so old. 16 already lor..

Less one day to live. -.-`! Damn emo.

LoL.

7:06 PM

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Omg`! Laptop's back! :D

So darn happy. Bro just send in for warranty yesterday & I got it back today! Efficient ey?

Thank God nothing's gone.

And OWEN, MY HARD DISK IS FINEEE!!! =>

yays!

4:45 PM

Monday, March 24, 2008
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The sudden urge to score well in school's first term exams and getting top 3 in class (disease) is back again.

I feel so stupid this morning. During Science class, Ck Chong gave us exercises & I really didn't know how to do it. I go "&^%$! How come I don't know how to do ?" I copied notes & practically paid attention in class & I still can't do it?! I thought I really going to die for the first term exam for Science liao.

& Then when teacher showed us an example for that exercise, everything in me tend to calm down. It's just like the previous exercises I did but just more alphabets & numbers in it. Hate scaring myself -.-`

I ..hate to say this but I'm really not a science person. I really love other subjects in art side (adapting to the "calculations" in Perd & Econs) but I just go * sighs * .. science next..

I know many teachers said.. though I only remembered it was Ck Danny..

"If you want to do well in a subject, you have to love it. Even if you hate it, you must try to love it or just don't do well in it. "

I can't force myself to love Science -.-`! But look at me now in Art Side? I can't imagine me, in Science stream. I think I'll be in the mental hospital right now. Though at times, I really love Science especially when I get it oh-so easily where I don't have to read it over & over again just to get it perfectly stored into my "hard-disk".

Back to Science homework. ~~sighs.~~

5:34 PM

Sunday, March 23, 2008
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Why does this always happen to me? Why Why Why...

Laptop died again. A part of me died too. I really dislike the fact that this always happen to me.

I feel so useless that I can't even manage my own things properly. What more to say my own life. I've screwed up many things that I can't even remember.

Maybe I deserve this bloody punishment.

Sien.

2:58 PM

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I'm.. suffering from the Monday blues. I don't wanna go back to school but half of me is just oh so excited to go back because I love to keep myself busy. Hey, I'm not heartbroken & try to keep myself busy so that I won't think about that someone.

I just felt like I have to train myself to be more.. hardworking & not too obsessed with my laptop. Eventhough it seems too impossible.

Slept at about 4am this morning & woke up at like 10am? >.<` I'm not sleepy :D

So what did I do til 4 am? * secret *

-.-`!

Anways, I want an external hard disk. I can't seem to transfer my movies into my laptop as it always says "Not enough disk space" in my C drive..

So I'm like taking advantage of my backup drive =X

Back to school tomorrow & exams are in like 2 weeks. Yes, TWO WEEKS!!

* stab me can *

I've downloaded the Videora iPod Converter to transfer movies into my iPod but I'm still clueless. *sniffles* Luckily I have friends who own iPods & they're like my sifu in them :D

I still remembered calling Eileen to ask about the iPod thingie at like 11pm & she was already sleeping. Felt so paiseh & bad :S.

People's smile can really brighten someone's day. So smile more ;)

11:20 AM

Thursday, March 20, 2008
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Just when i needed the CD to re-format my laptop, it's left in my laptop bag in my parent's office.

It's just like life. When you needed someone, most of the time they won't be there for you.

So I better stop expecting too much!

10:31 PM

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Just came back from Saberkas & Spring. Was having headache then I went to sleep. Was awaken by my sis saying that my bros & her are going Saberkas.

My eldest bro wanted to buy a PC cause his mac is going to be given to my mum.

Reached Saberkas then walk to the same 2 shops again & again. Wanted to buy a headphone with a mic together with it but the one I wanted is a too expensive.

Planned to re-format my laptop tonight but that means there's going to be lots of work for me to do tomorrow. Such as installing Adobe photoshop & all my brushes (!!), Paint Shop Pro & Photoscape again. Then need to install live messenger, then iTunes & all my songs gone ! T.T~
Thank God my laptop got back-up thingie :D

Darn, having headache. Sien!

7:10 PM

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I .. am ... speechless about guys nowadays..

>.<`

12:32 PM

Wednesday, March 19, 2008
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Finally, a new blogskin! I don't think i'll change it anymore =X`

I mean like, it's so simple & cute -.-!

Anyways, PohChoo came to my house today with her CD that contained AUDITION!
She patch here & there. Then paste this there & here. * blur *
But, i'll still have to wait at last! Tsk. So unfortunate, she said.

& it's still patching right now! T.T i'm so scared that i'll accidentally click on the "Cancel" button
&
I'll have to restart everything, AGAIN.

It's so slow T.T~ I wanna start playing. I saw the graphics & phewits, the characters are hott ;O

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Finally, I completed my "task" this week! No school tomorrow & Friday! yays*

Thank God for that. I'll have time to go through my Econs & Perdagangan calculations :D`

I feel like going out with my friends but exams are so near! & I really want to know how that girl managed to score 21A's in SPM! I mean, it's 21! that's like twice the amount of subjects i'm taking. -.-`

*speechless*

Does education really determines the future? The smartest kid becomes the richest & most successful person in the future?...

* blank *

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edit :

OMG. 31 more to go since 5pm! * fainted *

7:44 PM

Tuesday, March 18, 2008
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No words could explain how I'm feeling right now. Practically mixed emotions.
I don't know who I am anymore.

So typical of me.

I'm loving school ;O

9:02 PM

Monday, March 17, 2008
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It's like 9.37pm right now & im stuck with my BM essay.

Blame me as I totally forgot that I even have BM essay to do during the holidays.

Poh Choo's like coming tomorrow & she's like "ugut" me to play AuditionSea! T..T

First she was like, if I don't play Audi she don't wanna follow me to toilet!

So mean right? haha.

So anyways, she'll most probably come tomorrow & you know patch it into my computer & she's gonna teach me how to play! I hope I don't get addicted to it though.

I hate it when I'm addicted to some computer games. It's so near exams! & im gonna die for Science?

That's my most concentrated subject because I don't do well in science subjects.

Anyways, i better start my essay or I'll be doom due to guilt-ness.

9:32 PM

Sunday, March 16, 2008
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Great. I changed my blogskin back to the ones where you could choose directly from blogspot. I'll find a new one & customize them when I have the time.

So tomorrow's Monday. Which means back to school again. After one week of holidays, i pretty dislike the fact that I'll have to get my lazy butt up on 6.30 every morning.

It's like just 3 days of school this week. Thursday & Friday will be some public holidays such as Good Friday. I'm gonna start preparing for exams. Less than a month to first term exams?

So much time spent slacking.

Watch 27 dressess last night & it truly satisfy me :)

Ahh, it's almost April already! ....

Time pass like wind, unnoticed.

What shall I do for BM presentation?

8:50 PM

Saturday, March 15, 2008
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Where did this Shirley disappear to this holidays? It's the holidays! I should be blogging everyday!

= . = !

I've been spending time with my bestfriends. The one who makes me happy, the one whom I could express emotions on. The one who'll be here for me when I'm sad or happy.

Let me introduce to you these amazing bestfriends of mine..

1) Adobe Photoshop CS3
2) Paint Shop Pro version 11.
3) Photoscape

Dang, they're really good to entertain me.

I've spent my holidays trying to sharpen my skills on using these designing softwares.

I'm too lazy to take tutorials. So yeah, i have my own tutorials. It's better to explore yourself sometimes & if I need help, I could as my YOUNGER sister, the photoshop Goddess.

She's patient enough to learn through tutorials. Then, I started yesterday. I tried looking through tutorials. Youtube & other websites`.

Have been slacking this holidays. Sighs. I can't wait for school to re-open. I wanna study!

-.-

* this is the craziest thing Shirley have ever said *

So anyways, I've been downloading many many songs! But of course, not enough to fit into my iPod. -__-`

Have been editing & re-sizing & choosing the perfect photos for the New Zealand trip to be posted` Half done :D

I'm so lazy ._.

12:04 PM

Friday, March 7, 2008
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Went out with Stella, Evonne, Haidee, Daph & Eileen today at Spring. Daph & Eileen came later cause they were having beauty course.

Pictures! Not much though. Forgotten to bring my camera.

Stella's Fish N Chips. Gahh, remind me of New Zealand!

Shared among Evonne, Haidee & I.

Gahh, I miss Stella & of course Evonne & Daph! At least I still see Eileen cause she comes to my class to see Leticia everyday & Haidee after school =D

Unlike Stella & Evonne *coughs*

Evonne act cute! hmpphh.

It's great to have finally spend time with them. Those who I've been really close with in the past. At least the memories remain.

Grr! I hope Stella & Jon comes tomorrow!

8:17 PM

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Life is just unfair. Unexpected, shocking & the horror tends to hunt you.

Sometimes I felt like the world is against me & that I'm God's personal joke. But then, why does bad things happen to me &love blaming it on God. That's just not fair.

I hate the fact that I'm a burden to some people. That after I went into their lives, I've been their worse nightmare. You may not say it but I know it. This time, I know I'm not being paranoid. I risk buckets of tears each time I think about it.

I want scholarships but, I cannot just say it but put my very best effort in it. Why do I want scholarships that badly?

I've not done well when I was in Form 1-3 & I regret it very much. My parents put me in Lodge, said to be one of the best school in Malaysia. 3 years fees was wasted on me. It's not like watering the plants, where plants absorb it and make full use of the water & kept on standing. I'm not like that. While my parents are working hard to provide me with the best education, the best shelter, I have done NOTHING to them. Not even the simplest thing I could do, to excel in my studies.

Everytime when it was time for me let my mum sign my report card, I dare not look at her into her eyes & said "Mum, I did it. I did what you wanted me to do". I have never seen her so eager to look at my results @ how I did this term. But, I wished I had.

Maybe I just don't understand them well enough & I think I never will.

11:29 AM

Thursday, March 6, 2008
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Holidays are here but I'm starting to dislike it. So many homeworks & studying to do, so little time. Sighs. Going out tomorrow with Stella, Evonne & others. Hopefully, everything would be well.

7:41 PM

Tuesday, March 4, 2008
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2 more days to hols! Time pass quickly please.

6:45 PM

Sunday, March 2, 2008
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I have the sudden obsession for Cantonese song.

& though I don't understand every single word the singer sang, I just love humming to the melody. My second brother loves Hong Kong dramas & cantonese songs.

I still remembered once when my favourite radio station, MY FM was practically playing cantonese songs for that particular week & I kept complaining " Why they keep playing Cantonese song one!" & I switched to other Chinese music station.

& now, I myself am craving for Cantonese song. Current favourite ones are from Kwok Fai & Alex Fong.

& I'm gonna transfer songs from my second bro's laptop later! Gonna STEAL em`!

This morning, went to have dim sum with my aunt & Bryan at Banquet.

& was practically talking about studies. You know, career & universities "talk".

I feel so old, dammit! 16 years old already & next year..i'm gonna be 17! I don't wanna grow up!

= . =

It's like all the future decision making & lots of stuffs that I'll have to cope up all by myself. Like when studying overseas, if my laptop got problem, I can't just go " AhB, my laptop spoil. Help me bring back & ask Charles fix it." or "SiawB, my laptop tiok virus, fly here & help me reformat!"

T ___ T

& I'll have to manage my own financial stuffs. Aiyah, just everything, I'll have to count on myself.

I think too far -.-` I don't even know if I could be accepted by any overseas uni & already thinking about going overseas. pfft.

For now, I shall just think about studying my Sejarah for tomorrow & how to punish myself if I didn't do well.

12:31 PM

Saturday, March 1, 2008
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Just came back from Hilton Dinner Buffet. It was my first time`

Food was okay I guess. Lols. Best part was the fondue!

You know, where there's fruits & mashmallows then you gonna dip them into CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN! Lols.

It was my FIRST time! >D So yeah, kinda noob.

I took the stick, then cucuk 3 marshmallow then followed by the OREO buiscuit. It was hard and if I poke it through the middle, it'll break. so I poke it through the middle part. Then I deep it into the Chocolate Fountain. I was happily turning it 360 degrees so that every part would be filled with the dark chocolate & was talking to Cindy.

Then when I'm done with it, I took a look at it & saw this my OREO was gone! T_T` It fell into the chocolate fountain. There's only 3 marshmallow left.

I was like "OMG. Cindy! Where's my OREO? Drop into the fountain already!" Cindy & I laughed like hell.

Then, I was like not puas hati. Don't belive that I can't do it.

So, this time, I did the other way round xD

I put the OREO first, then followed by 3 marshmallows. Then dip it into the chocolate fountain. Then, suceeded :D

Dinner was okay la. But my eldest bro having his exams tomorrow, so he went back earlier.

I'm gonna try to stay up late & study Sejarah tonight.

9:37 PM