Walking blindly towards the future.

Friday, August 31, 2007
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Woke up pretty early at the beginning of the week but Ck Tan cancelled our extra-class in the early morning cause a lot of people were late and wasted so much time.

6.30 in the morning...

Alright.. It's funny. It's like the first time I wasn't feeling very sad about them leaving. Well, of course I'm sad but the feeling I'm going through just seem different compared to the other time.
My 2nd aunt, together with my married cousin and her daughter and my 4th aunt joined us to send all of them to the airport.

Before heading to the airport, we went to Taman Sahabat to show them around. This is going to be like.. my second time writing a post about Taman Sahabat. LOL.

I really really love it there ; P

Love the lilies ;)

It's called...

My cousin's daughter was so CUTE and ADORABLE! I was pratically playing with her the whole afternoon.

Going to the airport...

She's like soooo shy, I tell you! ;p

But finallleeeeehh! ;)

She kept poking my camera!

The lil' girl loves the escalator!

Spoilt hair =(

10:55 PM

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When I woke up this morning, I told myself. It was the best sleep of my life. I've never felt so exhausted and I slept like a pig last night till this morning. Woke up at 9.45am, waken up by my mum. My 3rd aunt and his youngest son (17) reached my house yesterday from their house which is somewhere pretty far from Kuching. About 2 hours car ride. They came to join us with our relatives who came from KL(?).

We went for dinner last night. We wanted to go "Hock Lee" but realized that 2 of the 4 are vegetarians. Which means.. cannot go Li Garden lor.. I was pretty disappointed at first. But, I can't be so selfish right? So, we went to a restaurant called " Thank Food Vegetarian ". LoL. It's somewhere at Jalan Petanak. I didn't bring my camera cause I didn't dare to. I mean ... if it's only my family and I then it's okay la. But, their visitors la and they're hungry too. I can't afford to let them wait and drool while I try to take a nice photo of the food.

I'm wanted to transfer photos from my camera to my lappie and blog about it. But, I can't find the cable and I can't find the card reader! I'm laying my eyes on Sony T100. But I know it's too expensive. But I want anti-blur camera. Siighs* Buying the camera I have is like one of my greatest regret. That's what happen when we don't have enough research on goods that we want.

I told my mum about what I wanted to buy through Ebay, a Sony camera T10. My bro told me that you buy through eBay the cost also the same as I buy locally. That's what I told my mum lah. Then she was like, "yeah, yeah" and then out of random-ness, I asked her " Can I have it? " and she replied " Wait till Chinese New Year ok ? ". I was like.. unbelivable. She said maybe at that time got new model. I agreed cause it's like the BEST time to have a new camera. My sister wants the camera I'm having now... I'm okay with it la then she was like so DARN happy that she jump up and down and accidentally stepped on my toe.

I'm gonna buy the light pink version one

Eventhough, I loveeee BLACK.. I think I might go for a girly colour this time ;)

I might just fall for the classy look (Black). Sometimes, the colour on something you love most is just iressistable.

My relatives are are leaving in a while. I'm not very friendly and socialize this time. I'm afraid it'll be too hard for me to say goodbye later. It has always been =(

I'm gonna try my best to find the camera's cable later. There's going to be lotsa photos. Their farewell photos and "special" dinner at home tonight.

Oh yeah, before I forget.

Happy Merdeka Day!

2:59 PM

Tuesday, August 28, 2007
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sien lerh. Everything seem to be okay since the this morning until it was the time go home! The feeling of hatred towards her seem to struck me every minute, every second since then.

Anyway, Ck Diana Leong told me I did pretty badly for her last ERT paper. She was like " Your marks very unstable, sometimes very good sometimes go down. It's hard to predict in PMR ". I was like so darn paiseh. Then she told me I better do good in the other 4 upcoming ERT Kertas Ramalan. T_____T!

My grandma's brother's sons and daughters would be coming to Kuching tomoro from .. ermm.. I dunno where also lah... I think they're from Negeri Sembilan to visit my grandma. Mum said they'll have a re-union dinner somewhere and I really wished I could go! But I just hate it when I get to close to some of my relatives and when it's time to go, it's hard! It's like you get so emotional and cry because who knows... it might be the last time you get to see them since they're like... far far far away. That happens to me countless times. I wanna go for the dinner with them but then I got tuition tomorrow night. When I told my mum that she kept quiet. LoL.

She was like "Tomorrow night we got dinner with them". Then I was like " Cannot, I got tuition bor". Then she just kept silent. Try to persuade her XD or who knows.. I don't even need to persuade her she'll be telling me to join them already ^____^!!

Trying to forget about my hatred towards her! It's really tiring hating someone, do you know that? So, Why must I make myself so tired all these while?

4:35 PM

Sunday, August 26, 2007
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Aiyor. I got no idea what got into me today. Feeling so moodless the whole day excluding the part where I get to watch "Garo". Sien. Two more weeks to mock exam liao. I hate blogging about how drepessed I am. It's just feels weird to have more people feeling as hopeless and moodless as I am now. I just checked my holiday-work and it's all so-so. Holiday is ending when the clock strike twelve tonight. Actually, this week wasn't like a holiday to me at all. It's filled with extra-classes and books! Sien. At this moment, I felt as if life with public exams suck la. It's always filled with sleepless nights and your mind just couldn't rest in peace. I can't even sleep properly, always having nightmares about my results. -___-'' Aiyor. Can't stand liao. I need someone to console me. I need encouraging words! I need my mummy! -___-'' It's like everytime I'm going through hard times, all I need to do is just talk to her and I'll always feel much much better. I'm like.. always telling myself that one month and two weeks more to FREEDDOMMM. The word "FREEDOM" seem so far away and one month and a half seem so long! PMR sickness! This holiday seem so short! I need more timee! For now, I'm going through killing moments.

9:23 PM

Saturday, August 25, 2007
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I feel so bloody bad for totally ignoring this blog. Gahh. I promised myself when I started this blog that I'll try my very best to keep my blog updated.

Cut the crap.

Went to INTI college today to support my sister for the IntiStar Idol. She wasn't selected for the quater-finals. So heartbreaking. She was too nervous I guess. But she did very well. It's her first try anyway. I belive she could make it the next time (:

Couldn't take any photos. I wanted to bring my camera along but the battery was flat. FLAT when I really need it. Sien.

Honestly, I'm just too lazy to blog. I'd rather watch tv then blogging. I hate it this way. I'm sick of crapping about PMR getting nearer and nearer each day. So.. I shall not! I hate being addicted! Gahhhh!

I have lotsa MOVIES to catch up with right after PMR. Going to borrow and buy TONNES of TVB dramas, Korean dramas, Jap dramas, whatever movies! Watch watch watch 24 hours!

Laptop getting old. I'm afraid it died on me. All my stories, my files all GONE! T____T Can die. I wanna watch PERFECT STRANGERS! GRR*"

Alright! I'll find something to blog about the next time.

8:01 PM

Sunday, August 5, 2007
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Tell me. What am I suppose to do ? Is there something wrong with me?

I've been tolerating. A lot. I tried many many ways to conquer my feelings but all I get is hurting myself more than ever.

What shall I do?

I've been doing a lot of thinking. Shall I just forget that it never happened ? Or shall I just end all this.

The longer you know a person, you'll realize their true self. I guess it's expected that you'll get used to it because you've been close with em'. The feeling with her is different. People whom she just met gave much better impression towards her instead of someone who had known her for ages.

People change or are they under their mask for so long?

I told myself soooo many times to judge a person through their positive side so that it wouldn't be so hard for me. I tried and tried.. telling myself so bloody many times but I just can't. I forced myself over and over again but I just can't. I seem to hurt myself so so much.

Can you read my mind? Can you understand what I'm going through? It's not that I don't want to tolerate but.. there's always a limit when tolerating someone. When it exceeds.. I don't even wanna think about it. It's like a balloon. You blow and blow and it expands.. but if there's too much air inside.. it'll burst.

I'm still looking for the factors affecting her. Is it because of someone sitting next to her in class that basically influenced her?

I thought of that many many times but my conclusion is that.. she's like that..

Bagai kacang lupakan kulit.

I've sacrificed so much for this friendship but once she decided to break our friendship for someone who didn't even do anything to her, hardly be there for her when she needed someone, sms her, being with her in school , etc. At that particular moment, I was so hurt. Very Very Very hurt. I was shocked with her reaction of being just "normal friends". I felt as if what i've done all these while.. was all bullcrap to her. Am I being used here? Am I being used to jealous her ex-bestfriend ? I'm still wondering. Hopefully not.

When there's new people mixing around with her, she'll just ignore me, just forget about me. When she's alone, not occupied, she'll come to me. Am I not being used?

I had a dream last night. A dream that I wish all my life that it wouldn't happen. I seem to burst like the ballon. I quarelled with her, letting her know everything, how I felt all these while. I sms-ed her this morning and told her about it and... her answer was.. hopefully it wouldn't happen.

But, I don't wish all our memories would just disappear like the wind blows.. She's my bestfriend and I know I have to accpet whatever or whoever she is. Nobody's perfect and I truly understand that. I just wish I have a way to like her, to find a reason.. so that I could just forget about what she had done to me.

9:24 PM